When Forgiveness Doesn’t Come Easy: Learning to Let Go

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi.

I ran into a student of mine recently. She had attended a live workshop (remember those?) years ago, and had made a big impression on me with her sensitivity and powerful Spirit connection. But, when we stopped to chat, I immediately got the feeling that something was off.

Her energy, which had been so pure and strong when we last met, was now clouded and murky – and I wasn’t a bit surprised when she said, “James, I don’t know what happened, but I’m having a hard time connecting with Spirit and bringing through messages for my clients. What’s wrong?!”

I asked her some questions, and it soon became clear EXACTLY what the problem was. She had recently gone through a difficult divorce, and I could sense she was still holding on to anger and resentment against her ex-husband. That anger was blocking the clear, effortless connection to Spirit she had once enjoyed.

When I told her she had to forgive him to get her power back, she immediately said “I know how important that is – I’ve let it go!” Well, she might have thought so, but her energy said otherwise! I shared a few techniques with her, and gave her some affirmations to say to herself to cement her healing and help her once again become a clear vessel through which Spirit could communicate.

A Word about Forgiveness.

Stop me if you’ve heard this before – but it’s worth repeating. Forgiving other people doesn’t mean that you excuse their actions, and it doesn’t require you to open the door and make yourself vulnerable to hurt or abuse. Forgiveness is something you do for YOU. It was true that my student’s ex-husband had betrayed her trust, and the lifestyle she’d enjoyed had changed dramatically because of his actions and the dissolving of their marriage. But for her to heal and move on, she had to embrace forgiveness – fully.

Here are three insights I shared with her. If you find yourself mysteriously blocked from connecting with Spirit or hearing the voice of your own intuition – or if your energy feels like it’s been compromised, I hope you’ll take them to heart. Embracing these ideas is sure to help you experience forgiveness – for your own sake.

  1. Anger is like Kryptonite to Sensitive Souls!No matter how strong you are, there’s always something that can get to you! Remember how Superman was powerless against the alien mineral called Kryptonite? Well, holding onto anger can strip you of your power in the same way! You are a pure, divine being and holding onto grudges is like POISON to you. Refusing to release anger blocks you energetically, which can have all kinds of repercussions. Just my student, you can find yourself struggling to activate your spiritual gifts. Plus, it can hurt you physically, causing pain and disease in your weakest areas. It also blocks you from attracting good things into your life. All the power of positive intention and manifestation can be derailed by the refusal to forgive.

 

  1. Practice Ho‘oponopono – the Hawaiian ritual of forgiveness.You know how I always say that separateness is an illusion? Well, this special ritual is all about that. It stems from an understanding that we are all one in spite of our feelings of ‘separateness’. Because we are connected at a soul level, holding onto negative feelings about another person causes a matching negative vibration in ourselves. Not only that but because we are ALL one, that same toxic energy actually resonates across the entire planet. You and I both know; the planet does NOT need more negativity.The start of the healing process, Ho‘oponopono relies on four magic sentences:

    “I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you. Thank you.”

    Next time you’re feeling hurt, send these words out to the other person, yourself, and the universe!

 

  1. Manage Your Expectations.Having unreasonable expectations of other people can set you up for anger, disappointment and frustration. You might expect someone to behave a certain way, but because of their own situation, they’re not always capable of that. You might read too much meaning into the actions of others, not realizing that they might be distracted, grieving, or totally unaware of the effect they are having on you. Sometimes people don’t mean to be hurtful, so don’t take it personally. Before you react with anger, be compassionate. Ask yourself if the persons intent is to be hurtful – if the situation is right, you can ask them this question, directly. Then think about the person and try to put yourself in their shoes to understand where they’re coming from.When you approach people with compassion, you shield yourself from hurt and resentment BEFORE it takes hold.

    Forgiveness is Worth the Effort.

    When someone cuts you off in traffic or leaves their dirty socks on the floor, it might be annoying for a second, but it’s pretty easy to let it go and move on with life. It’s harder to forgive someone who has hurt you in a more significant way. But it can be done, and it’s well worth the effort for the sake of your energy, your happiness, and even your spiritual gifts!

    One Last Thing.

    I shared these affirmations with my student, and she promised to post them in places where she would see them often. See if any of them resonate with you:

    I live in the now and create my future. The past has no effect on my present.

    As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others.

    I move beyond forgiveness to understanding and I have compassion and kindness for all.

 

 

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